Bill Clinton had eye contact so powerful that it made others feel like they were the only two people in a room full of them. We know he seduced many women with this power, yes, but also he seduced everyone he met.
Eye contact has the power to forge a connection so strong between humans in so short a time that two people feel like one in an instant.
Paul Ekman, the leading expert on micro-expressions, understood that facial expressions are a view to the soul.
Youth, vitality, love, and vigor are associated with “sparkling eyes.”
“Glassy eyes” are associated with boredom and lethargy.
Eye Gazing Parties are different than “Eye Staring Parties.” The intended party of staring doesn’t want eye contact. It’s the equivalent of an unwanted grope.
Stop Being “Eye” Shy.
Systematically desensitize yourself to avoiding eye contact by:
- Make progressively lengthy eye contact with a friend or family member
- Go in increments from one second to progressively three minutes of gazing with a friend. Keep a neutral face and breathe.
- Make infinitesimally brief eye contact with strangers. Make eye contact for fractions of a second, enough to identify the eye color of the person. 4-5 paces away. Always smile afterward – it prevents people from thinking you’re creepy and they can acknowledge you made a connection.
- Break your eye contact laterally, not vertically. Don’t look down. It shows shame and subservience if you look down first.
- Make Longer Eye Contact with Stranger, Salesclerks, and Cashiers
- Make Substantial Eye Contact During Conversations with Friends, Family Members, Co-Workers, and Others
- Make Substantial Eye Contact During Conversations With People You Just Met
It’s okay to look away briefly to think before reengaging eye contact – your brain can’t do more than two things at once.
You can look at one eye at a time, but instead, ideally, maintain a soft gaze at both eyes.
Use the “SEE” method – smile, eye contact, and project your energy.
Imagine if you, as a salesperson, only waited for customers to come to you. You’d be out of a job pretty soon. You have to imitate the meeting.
When going to association meetings, the end goal is to make a sale. But, you have to make that initial connection (with no sale attached) and make the person interested in you first. They may not even be your future customer, but if they’re in the meeting, they may know many who will be!
Make sure you smile when making eye contact or else you’ll be doing the “serial killer stare.” Relax the jaw when smiling – it’s the most significant psychological muscle.
Sales and Business
Eye contact is 80% of sales.
Having conviction and enthusiasm in your product and service without having traditional sales experience can equal success.
For in-person sales meetings, look for traditional body language cues and then call them out on it if they display a negative reaction to a sale. If they have good body language, keep hitting on that.
In conference rooms, try to get on the same side of the table rather than across.
Make eye contact with everyone at the table, rather than just one. You’re selling to everyone involved.
When you’re at a networking event, look to give, not get. Ask what you can do for someone and try to find out.
Give people your full, undivided attention. Don’t look left or right.
Be human – people are starving for a human connection in an age when people are always online.
